Breaking Up With My Fears
I can not believe this. I am blown away. The words that were written here years ago are the same as I would be writing them to you today. I found this old blog post of mine yesterday. As I was reading the words, I felt so empowered, so proud of this woman. So excited for her to have lived through this experience and see the power within her own self. That woman was me. That woman is still me!
Breaking Up With My Fears Was The Best Thing I Ever Did ~ Jan. 2014
Wow! I did not realize how much I was holding back.
This thought came up the second I sprinted across the finish line nauseous and about to collapse.
I just finished running a 10K (6 miles) and literally swiped away about a minute and a half off of my pace. In the running world that is pretty insane.
I tend to be a loner when it comes to running. Its my meditation, most of the time. Minus when I’m jamming out to LMFAO“Sexy and I know it.” The mornings are my selfish moments of connecting. The quietness of the ocean as it’s just waking up, the deepness of my breathing as my body balances on the soft sand and the ease and CONTROL of how fast or slow I CHOOSE to go that day.
“Your running too fast, what if you can’t make this pace to the finish line. Just slow down…just in case. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” That’s my ego screaming in my ear. Since I don’t train with anyone it’s hard for me to know what I really have in me to push beyond my limits. I tend to run longer distances to make up for not giving all I got. It’s not laziness. It’s fear. Fear that what if I don’t make it to the end? Or the disappointment of not being as good as I know I “should” be? So, instead I run from one side of town to the next completing the same route with mostly the same outcomes.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anaïs Nin
A friend once told me the fastest she has ever ran was when her coach told her to “Stop thinking about the end and just let yourself fly…”
On race day I finally said, “F*CK IT” and took off!
I won that day. I didn’t come in first, but I won something so much bigger and deeper. I never felt so free, so strong, so confident. I broke free from the limitations I have created for myself and became more of who I am destined to be. I am able to now see and feel how much control and hardness I keep inside my body to protect myself from…what? The ability to be the whole person I am destined to be?
Since race day, I am completely clear that ME is what has been holding my truest self back. With this awareness, I have been able to tap into more creativity, more love and passion while embracing the unknown of possible failure.
I don’t hold back as much as I used to anymore. I now make sure I at least touch my toes into the unknown every day.
Your way begins at the other side. Become the sky. Take an axe to the prison wall. Escape. Walk out like someone suddenly born into color. Do it now. ~ Rumi
You already know the outcome of yesterday and the day before, so why not for a change, take a deep inhale and JUMP!
Some thoughts to at least get your toes wet:
When was the last time you did something for the first time?
Remember, “YOU are the only one that is holding yourself back from living up to that passion that wants to scream out and live!”
BELIEVE in yourself! Speak from your soul. Who are you? Say it out loud over and over again. Your thoughts, your words become you.
Love & Light,